Let Me Be….ME

We constantly evolve in life. Age changes us. Life circumstances change us. Our environment and who we hang around with can change us.

As I have gotten older, I have learned more about priorities in life that matter. I’ve always been an anxious person….seeking out plans ahead of time to “be sure.” I’ve always sought perfectionism and certainty, even as a child.

When I had my own first child, I experienced a shift in my beliefs, as well as my priorities. Don’t we all? What once matters to us doesn’t anymore. Instead, we have a tiny life that depends on us! The pressure!

My anxiety reached a new level when my second child came along and there was a tragedy in the family. This had me re-evaluating everything. What I ate. What I did. What I thought. I turned into a basket case and I am still one!

I’ll get to the point here. Too often, people who experience bouts of anxiety and/or depression try their hardest to not let others see this “weakness” of theirs. They slap on a smile, continue with their daily routine, and hope they aren’t asked if they are okay. And if we are not okay, it bothers the other people. It’s as if we are not allowed to experience a mood change, or have some fear or sadness. It’s as if we must have a valid reason for these feelings, even if we can’t put those “reasons” into any words.

Here’s the truth: I will be moody. I will always have anxiety. I will go through roller coaster after roller coaster of emotions in one day, but may be fine the next. This is me. I may not always want to be chatty. I may not always smile. I may just want quiet. On the other hand, I may have days where I feel silly and want to play. This is me.

I can only be me. I can’t be who people WANT me to be. I will always be changing and evolving. Let me be….ME.

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